I first heard of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie when my 20 year old son put it on his Christmas list in 2021. And then my 18 year old son asked me to buy him a copy in 2023 to read - which got my attention because he doesn't like to read. I wondered, what valuable information is hidden in this book published 87 years ago? I picked up the book myself and read it in two days. Here's my overview of How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The preface of this book is written by Dale Carnegie's daughter, Donna Dale Carnegie to explains there was a first refresh of the book in 1981 by her mother, Dorothy Carnegie. This book is the second revision of the book, off the original piece (not the 1981 revision) and it has retained the authenticity of the original content and style. They simply removed references to people or events that today's reader would not be able to relate to.
What's this book about? Human relationships, connections and psyche. Who is it written for? Anyone who wants growth. Should you read it? Yes. Unlike what I typically do, I am only going to post the chapter titles and principle lesson from each chapter. This is because what makes this book impactful are the stories contained in each chapter to establish and reinforce the lessons of each chapter. If you like what you see here, buy and read the book!
PART ONE - Fundamental Techniques in Handline People
Chapter 1 - "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"
Principle: Don't criticize or condemn others and do not complain.
Chapter 2 - The Big Secret of Dealing with People
Principle: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Chapter 3 - "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way."
Principle: Arouse int he other person and eager want.
PART TWO - Six Ways to Make People Like You
Chapter 1 - Do This and You'll be Welcome Anywhere
Principle: Become genuinely interested in other people.
Chapter 2 - A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
Chapter 3 - If You Don't Do This You Are Headed for Trouble
Principle: Remember a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Chapter 4 - An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
Principle: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Chapter 5 - How to Interest People
Principle: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
For example, I love chocolate. But, if I were going fishing I wouldn't bait the line with what I like (chocolate). I'd bait it with what the fish like.
Chapter 6 - How to Make People Like You Instantly
Principle: Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
PART THREE - How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 1 - You Can't Win an Argument
Principle: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Chapter 2 - A Sure Way of Making Enemies - and How to Avoid It
Principle: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
Chapter 3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It
Principle: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathetically.
Chapter 4 - A Drop of Honey
Principle: Begin in a friendly way.
Chapter 5 - Get the Other Person Saying "Yes, Yes" Immediately
Principle: When a person says "No", there is a physical withdrawal and the neuromuscular system resists acceptance. Begin discussions based on what you agree on - get them to say "Yes".
Chapter 6 - The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
Principle: Let the other person do most of the talking.
Chapter 7 - How to Get Cooperation
Principle: Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.
Chapter 8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders
Principle: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Chapter 9 - What Everybody Wants
Principle: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Chapter 10 - An Appeal That Everybody Likes
Principle: Appeal to a person's sense of nobler motives.
Chapter 11 - The Movies Dot It. Advertisers Do It. Why Don't You Do It?
Principle: Dramatize your ideas.
Chapter 12 - When Nothing Else Works, Try This
Principle: Throw down a challenge.
PART FOUR - Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Chapter 1 - If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
Principle: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Chapter 2 - How to Criticize - and Not Be Hated for It
Principle: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 3 - Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Principle: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Chapter 4 - No One Likes to Take Orders
Principle: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Chapter 5 - Let the Other Person Save Face
Principle: Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
Chapter 6 - How to Spur People On to Success
Principle: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Chapter 7 - Give a Dog a Good Name
Principle: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Chapter 8 - Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Principle: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Chapter 9 - Make People Glad to Do What You Want
Principle: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Appendix: A Shortcut to Distinction by Lowell Thomas